Roll one gives us Netflix, which gives us my brother's account, which leads us into Violent Action and Adventure, which gives us our film for today...
Unlike Hulu Plus and Amazon Instant, Netflix's list of choices isn't exactly the same thing every time. They always tailor the movies and shows you see based on whatever you happen to have watched before, which means my options are always tailor-made to my interests. The purpose of this blog, however, is not to constantly explore my own likes, but to randomly subject me to whatever movie happens to come up as a result of my viewing habits. Thus, in order to avoid any sort of stagnancy with my reviews when Netflix is rolled, I've decided to add an extra layer, and roll on whether or not to make the choice from my Netflix, or the ones shared with me by my dad, uncle, and brother (all of whom use the same account.) This should keep the exposure at least somewhat fresh, as all of us have rather different tastes in our browsing habits.
This role brought up my brother's account, which he has never used for anything at all, and should give us the closest thing to a completely unbiased set of Netflix suggestions as possible.
However, this lack of bias leads to dangerous territory. Dangerous territory such as movies I know absolutely nothing about and have no interest in being recommended, and subsequently chosen through the random rolls. Such is the situation I'm in today with the movie I am stuck with because of my refusal to reroll - Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn.
I know fucking nothing about Halo. I've never owned an XBox of any sort, and the series never wound up as one I obsessively read about on Wikipedia when it became apparent I'd never play it in depth. The only time I've even seen it in action was when I was ten and played it for twenty minutes at someone's house. I tried to use the energy sword and got killed a lot. That's the entirety of my Halo experience. So as you might guess, I'm about as qualified to say whether or not this movie is good or bad or enjoyable as someone dropped dead into Act 3 of Metal Gear Solid 4.
That said, the movie isn't quite as impenetrable as I just made it sound, but it IS a film primarily for fans. The big draw seems to be around seven or eight moments where a thing from the games shows up and does the thing it does in the games. Beyond those, the story - told through the flashback of some military guy at the start making a decision to save Master Chief from deep space cryostasis despite nobody liking him much - looks to exist entirely as a means of saying, "So THAT'S who generic military commander from the opening cutscene of the new game is!" There's nothing wrong with that sort of goal, and I think it could have led to an interesting stand-alone story with elements from the games thrown in to appease fans while still creating a satisfying narrative for newcomers and casuals.
It's just too bad they didn't roll with it.
The bulk of the film concerns itself with the misadventures of Tom "the wiki informs me his last name is" Lasky - whose first name I only remember because it's the same as his actor's, Tom Green - at Corbulo Academy of military science, and his various conflicts with his drill instructor, general and headmistress of the academy, and, most disastrously, his teammates. I do not know a single thing about them. The film spends a fair deal of its opening moments dedicating a series of reality TV/start of a serious military documentary introductions to them (and just a lengthy side note - it never bugs me much, but the fact that they're 500 years in the future and at a hig-tech military academy on the eve of a war against aliens and all still talk and act like young adults do today just really tweaks me. I don't know why), and they're on screen for a fair deal of the film, but even the ones who are actually important and not just cannon fodder later on left no impression on me in the slightest. I remember one of them was sort of a dick, and one was Russian and then never spoke again, but beyond that, nothin'.
Lack of character is a big problem with this film. Everything really picks up once the Covenant (an earlier draft of this article said aliens for every instance of Covenant, until a friend virtually slapped me around and told me it made me sound like I wasn't paying attention) attacks and Master Chief shows up to do his thing, but it happens around fifty minutes into the movie, and even taking its origin as a five-part web series into account, spending three-fifths of the running time on generic military training plots just doesn't cut it. I barely consume any military fiction, and I've seen all these plot points before a million times over. New cadet doesn't like orders but he still functions well under the right conditions. Older sibling already in the forces who he has to live up to. Same with a parent. Reacting poorly to a part of the training that almost disqualifies him. Everything about clashing with his teammates. It doesn't make the film boring, but it does make it hard to care about any of the characters when the aliens attack.
Fortunately, things DO pick up when the Covenant attacks. Despite not caring about the deaths of anyone in the cast (or even realizing when a death happened sometimes), the action and effects look great, especially for a web series, and everything has a good layer of tension to it. Not edge of your seat pulse pounding, but more like "Where is? Is he gonna get 'em? Is he gonna get 'em? I know he's gonna get 'em but when's he gonna get OH LOOK HE GOT 'EM!" It's probably a result of finally using the stuff from the games everyone came to see, but it's still well done.
By the same merit, I also like Master Chief in the film. Having never played the games, I can't really say if he's portrayed accurately or lacks any depth he might have, but what's shown is pretty good. He's appropriately strong and heroic, but also cold and distant enough to cause tension amongst the main cast. A savior who won't turn on you but you're not sure you can trust until he's blown up a giant alien tank monster twice for you (I'm informed the tank monster is, in fact, a Hunter). His character's more badass than compelling, but given the "GET HYPE FOR HALO 4" reasoning behind making this, I can't complain.
Even with those positive merits, though, the film waits too long to actually use them. There's a bit I like after Chief first shows up where one of the surviving cadets talks about him like he's a robot and inferior to the ACTUAL soldiers, which intrigued me a bit. I wish it had been more than a throwaway line, because further tension between Master Chief and the soldiers could have helped Lasky's arc throughout the film. Something along the lines of being terrified of his "inner soldier" by the cold, callous Spartan, only to realize what a hero he is and save his life in return. Would have given his arc a lot more punch.
Really, the whole movie could have benefited from the Covenant showing up a half hour earlier. It would have alleviated the problems with the rest of the squad being too shallow, and might've even made them more memorable, by drawing out stronger performances during stressful times. The filmmakers might have even been able to spread out the limited amount of "Oh SHIT it's the WARTHOG, you guys know the WARTHOG, right?" moments instead of cramming them into the last half hour, and generally had more of Master Chief around - which, again, given the mission statement of this film, can't possibly be a bad thing.
I rated this film two stars out of five on Netflix, but I don't think the descriptor of "didn't like it" is accurate. I enjoyed the movie, and it actually made me want to learn a little more about the Halo universe (a wiki binge might be in my near future), but I was disappointed in its overall structure and lack of punch where it was needed. "Flawed but still enjoyable, even for a nonfan" would be a much better description of my thoughts on this one.
(Assorted thoughts:
-There's way too many slow motion shots that last for three to five seconds, which are quite obviously made for trailer purposes.
-Seeing as the energy sword is the one thing I remember from my one time playing Halo, it was neat seeing it here, and everyone's confusion about it helped me work out that this was supposed to be a prequel to the entire series, and not just something tossed in the middle of the chronology.
-How the hell do you kill a planet's entire human population in fifteen minutes but leave all the trees perfectly intact? (Something about using plasma cannons to glass the planet)
-How the hell are you certain the only living people left on the entire planet were these four or five people? (The answer is apparently they used their tech to scan the planet.)
-How the hell do four or five people manage to be the only surviving individuals on a planet at ground zero of a ruthless alien attack?)
Anyways, I'd like to thank my co-contributor, Elena Young, for talking to me about the film afterwards and clearing up a few things so I don't sound like a total idiot. Elena, for the record, is going to fill in the blog's Tuesday-Thursday slots, using the same methods I do to choose movies, except only with Netflix. Look forward to her first article coming tomorrow. I'll see you guys Wednesday with another movie - one I'm hopefully more qualified to review.
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